april 4- (excerpt) untitled

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The qualities I found the most attractive in my lover, in fact, were some that were the farthest away from notions of masculinity. I adored his soft white skin, pretty blue eyes, perky little nose, and his youthful face. His soft abundant hair and even softer smell reminded me of a small, gentle animal. I thoroughly sniffed him in the neck, hair, forehead and lower cheeks where he smelled the sweetest; these parts seemed to release a pheromone that comforted me by slightly drugging me. I grew fond of his small hands and feet and his short stature, although I hadn’t noticed those for a while now. He was just the size and shape he was, neither small nor big. I had never been too attached with these particular characteristics of him, but after I was in love with him it was impossible for me to imagine loving anyone even slightly smaller or larger than he was. Yes– I love him with all of my heart in the only way I know how to love. Smelling him I felt relieved of all other desires, thoughts and worries and I felt almost certain I could go on simply smelling for eternity.